Monday, January 25, 2010

The Dirty Little Secret of Christmas - People for the Ethical Treatment of Squeaky Toys - PETST

Oh, so you thought it was all joy?  All lightness and happiness?  Gift giving, songs, good things to eat?

I'm afraid you have been sadly taken in.  For Christmas has a dark side to it. And the People for the Ethical Treatment of Squeaky Toys would like to tell you what is really going on.

Every year at Christmas, and truly, every day, squeaky toys are maimed, torn apart, gutted, de-squeaked and brutally shredded, all in the name of fun and pleasure for our corgis and other dogs.  They are abandoned with their guts hanging out, dismembered and their squeakers chewed into a mass of plastic, and tossed aside for a new, fresh toy who will soon experience the same terror and degradation that the previous one did.  And to what end?

The toy manufacturers know this.  They make them cheaply and plentiful and usually quite shoddily made.  No squeaky toy deserves this.  They deserve to be made with the finest of materials and best of stuffing.  This would ensure that their lives are long and that any repairs could be made in the hopes of them living a long and happy life, rather than immediately becoming shredded again.

The fault also lies in the purchasers' hands.  To buy a squeaky toy, one should be prepared to give it to a corgi that would cherish it, not snatch it and go screaming off to the other corgis that "neener neener, I have a new toy and you don't" which of course excites the pack mentality and causes squeaker destruction and a long and horrible, lingering death.

PETST has a solution for all of this.  We have education programs that will teach people how to treat their squeaky toys, caring for them, bathing them and keeping them clean and inside where they cannot freeze to death.  Squeaky toys should be kept in a bin or on the couch so that they can experience the friendship and comfort of having others of their kind around. 

We have a rescue program for unwanted squeaky toys and place them in good foster homes with cats who have been taught not to hump them.  In addition, we have a team of specially trained physicians and surgeons and nurses, to tenderly sew squeaky toys back together, replacing eyes, limbs and noses as well as the actual squeaky device so that the squeaky toy can sing its joy when it is truly loved by a corgi.  We are not against the ownership of squeaky toys by corgis or humans, rather, we wish them to be cherished companions to these beings, just as all of God's creatures are.

Alas, there are so many to be saved.  Squeaky toy rescue is looked down upon and often is devastating for those who do it. PETST must schedule regular vacations to the Bahamas in order to rid the people doing the rescuing of these precious little lives.  PETST also must pay for the surgeons and others who help, often at the cost of $1,000 or more per squeaky.  Why put so much into a 99 cent toy, you may ask?  Its little life is worth just as much as the big toys that one often sees human children playing with. We make no differentiation between size or quality.  Eyes are expensive, limbs must be recreated.  Nearly all of the squeaky toys require extensive psychological counseling and many can only live safely in a dark box with others of its kind for the rest of its life, as to see a corgi is to cause it great trauma and fear when confronted with a corgi, even a friendly one who would not hurt it.  Sadly, these are lost cases and the boxes must remain in storage.  That, too, is expensive.

We invite you to participate and send us $20.00 a month.  Unmarked bills are best and wrap them carefully when you mail them.  We will see that you recieve a photo and a story of a squeaky toy or two, as well as a Christmas card from it with an imprint of its new limb on it.  Many people are able to actually adopt the squeaky toy of which they are helping with the care, so do inquire and we can send you one or more, how ever many your heart feels it can take in.  Please send all donations to the owner of this blog.

Remember that each night, squeaky toys cry themselves to sleep because they have been lost, abandoned or forgotten by the puppies who used to cherish them, put aside for a newer and more whole toy.  They simply cannot compete with this.  We are here to help and you can help. Won't you donate today?

To make our point, we will show some photos below of lost and injured squeaky toys.  Some of these had to be humanely euthanized, but they were held and loved at their final moments.  Please, wil you find a way in your heart to help us out?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Squeaky Toys

Warning:  Graphic photos and video follow, not for the faint of heart!

Sadly, this bit of fluff was all that remained from a loving squeaky toy when we made our raid on a squeaky toy mill.

This spotted pony toy was left for dead in the snow, but amazingly he was not injured, just a little frostbitten.  He now lives with a little old lady on the couch, and she knits him sweaters to keep him warm.

This sweet purple bear managed to escape death and terror by lying very still during a snow storm.  He also recovered but will require counseling for the rest of his life.  He is in Montana now, in a front room with many stuffed animals on the walls for company.

Sadly, this ball did not make it.  He was beyond the help of the most famous surgeons in the country who devote their time and love to restoring squeaky toys to as normal as possible.
Rest in Peace, little ball.

A warthog, although badly bitten and maimed, has made nearly a full recovery.  He can no longer grunt, as his grunter was brutally ripped from his middle.  We have a special fund to collect money for a new grunter for him.  He now lives with a chihuahua, who treats him with respect and does not pee on him or bite him.

This elephant managed to also hide in the snow with the sweet purple bear.  The family in Montana is currently in line to adopt him so he can live forever with his friend the bear.

His twin brother, however, did not make it.  All we found was his torn body in a pile with other dead squeaky toys.
We will never forget you.

We have some video of squeaky toys being tortured, taken by one of our undercover agents.  Please do not allow children to watch these videos!
In the first one, notice how the chicken screams as it is pushed around on the floor!

In this next video, you will see a blue elephant being tortured by a golden retriever and two corgi pups, and being encouraged by two humans to do so:

Thank you for your time.  We hope that you will help us in our endevour to stop this unnecessary abuse!


  1. I suspected this was a problem, butt never knew just how bad it really is! Thanks for being so forthright and thorough in your investigation.

  2. How do we know this is legit and not a scam to get people to send in their dear, cherished squeaky toys who will then be taken and re-homed?

  3. Oh Millie! You just crack me up. Indy looks at his squeaky toys with a look in his eye that says, "hello Clarice" and I know the squeaky toy will suffer an unimaginable fate.

  4. Okay Cathy, you just totally cracked me up with that comment about Indy. "Hello Clarice", oh man, I'm laughing myself silly here at work.

    Debba (Stella the Fluff)

  5. I think I'll just name all future squeaky toys here Clarice. Although I fully understand and am in complete sympathy with the mission of your organization, I am unable to send a financial contribution at this time. My meager income goes to support my Corgi addiction.

  6. OMG, Hello, Clarice! I'm dying here! :) Cat you are terrible! I suppose we will have to schedule a raid on your place, next. You really should take this more seriously!

  7. Millie, all my squeaky toys thank you, but all my corgis (thanks to Cathy)are now skulking around saying, "Hello, Clarice."

  8. Millie, I do think you have way tooo much time on your hands. Bahamas!!!! way too much time. You need another litter of pups or maybe a few more rescues to deal with....................
    LOL ------------ so funny.

  9. Millie,

    This was so funny and reminded me of my Miss Daisy. No squeaker toy would last for more than 5 minutes after placed on the floor. Even now, when Roger Dodger or Libby Girl get a new toy they still look around for Miss Daisy. She was relentless.

  10. if it helps any....i have a buriel ground in my front yard for sqeeky can drop them off at any time!!!

  11. And then Arianna looks around so innocently and says "not me mom, I'm not torturing no cheekens!"

    Let's sponsor the Toy-Destroying crew will win the gold!